It has been a while, years in fact. Life has changed. My mom died November 30th. MY MOM. Really, Mom's are invincible, they don't die, and yet my sweet little confused Mom died. I am numb. I am still numb. We don't have a tree, I can't think when I walk in a noisy, festive store, I just want my MOM.
My parents were poor but rich in love. I remember lying in bed at about the age of four telling my Mom she was never going to die. This was right after both my grandparents on my father's side died within a few weeks of each other. Mom smelled good as we snuggled in her bed, and she explained to me that part of living is dying. But I never thought it would happen.
She has been sick with dimensia for a few years and she has called me many times a day. I am not sure if she remembered to call me or if my stepfather wanted her to stop bothering him. He was not kind to her in the end. I believe my Mom is in Heaven with MY Dad, and is not scared, or hurting, or confused.
Missing you Mom, wondering how to exist without you.
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